Belonging: The “Fast Car” to Resiliency
It’s been a huge month in music. Among new albums being released and an all-star Superbowl halftime show, the Grammy’s featured one of Tracy Chapman’s most beloved songs, elevated to a level of new reverence with a surprise duet performance with Luke Combs.
Performed live for the first time in 15 years, Tracy Chapman’s song Fast Car brings attention to the same themes now that resonated with so many of us when the song originally came out in 1988- finding where you belong.
The chorus, “I had a feeling that I belonged, I had a feeling I could be someone”, hits home and not just because it’s the most repeated line in the song. We connect to it because we want to feel it, to believe that we too belong and are part of something bigger than ourselves. At its core, this is the heart of resilience.
Individuals who are more resilient are able to more easily overcome and recover from hardships because they experience a deep sense of belonging, trust, and security in their relationships. They feel that they are an important part of their community and the world at large, that they can make a difference as a result of their connections and perception of the acceptance of their true and authentic self. In the process of building resilience, it is the ties that bind us to our community that can enhance our ability to face and overcome adversity. The more connected and accepted we feel with our peers, the more we can rebound and grow from adverse experiences.
The compounding grief and loss so many have faced due to the COVID-19 pandemic seems to be worsening the divide in mental health outcomes that are being driven by a lost sense of belonging. Data from the Athens Wellbeing Project indicates a strong connection between the decrease in social gatherings with families and friends and the subsequent increase in the prevalence of reported rates of anxiety and depression. During the COVID-19 pandemic, 56% of Athenians reported not seeing family or friends outside of work on a weekly basis, representing a significant increase in social isolation as compared to previous data. With 49% of Athenian households having experienced the loss of a loved one during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, that’s a huge portion of our community who has been unable to mourn, remember, and connect with others in their community in the face of unimaginable losses.
So what is the “fast car” that can help to bridge our sense of disconnection and get us to a higher level of resiliency? It may be an improved sense of belonging.
Belonging is a human need, deeply engrained in our survival right above the need for food, shelter, and safety in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The more we can build meaningful connections to other people in our community and in our life, the better situated we are to be supported and accepted. The need to belong is universal, but the path to creating a sense of belonging is far from a one-size-fits-all approach.
Inspired by Fast Car and backed up by recent studies on belonging, here are a few quick ways to infuse some resiliency-building into your daily life.
- Be curious, not judgmental, in making connections. Focus on similarities with others above differences. Ask questions, get deeper in conversations, and see what you can learn, relate to, and validate in your interactions with others.
- When leading a meeting, take a moment to ask people how they’re doing. Take time to intentionally listen, ask questions, and connect back with what they share.
- Ask questions and seek understanding in a conversation where you might not agree with the person you’re talking to. Try to understand where their reactions and beliefs might be coming from.
- Listen to a podcast or read a book by someone whose views you don’t necessarily agree with. See if you can find some common ground.
- Try saying yes to more opportunities that get you out of your comfort zone. Focus on the people, the connections you feel, and how you feel when you let go of judgments and throw yourself into the opportunity fully and curiously.
- Sign up for a class, event, or group activity that you’ve always wanted to try. Trying something new is a great way to practice vulnerability and get to know people you may not typically intersect with.
- Go to dinner or the movies by yourself. It can be difficult to feel comfortable being alone in a public place, but spending quality time with yourself can help bolster your resiliency skills in times of stress.
- Say yes to an invitation from someone you’d like to get to know. Sometimes, finding time to make meaningful connections can help you learn more about the people in your life that you don’t regularly get to connect with.
- Find a volunteer opportunity that helps you get connected with the community you live in. Being active and giving back to your community can help to cultivate a sense of belonging and pride in where you live.
- Take a break from your screens. We are, at most moments in our day, surrounded by screens for work, entertainment, social media, texting, phone calls, and all types of other activities. Being mindful and present when with others and making the effort to disconnect from devices can help foster belonging through a sense of deeper human connection. Try scheduling no-screen times throughout the course of the day or setting limits on the time you spend scrolling social media or watching TV.
